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Responsibility

by Dr. Jay Adams

All children must be granted responsibility by their parents sooner or later. Indeed, from the earliest days in the home, a good deal of the struggle between parents and children has to do with this very question. Children want it too soon, or parents want to withhold it too long; that is one problem. But I have in mind a different one. It concerns how responsibility is granted, even when it is granted for the right reasons, at the right time. Elders and deacons and others in the church must be granted responsibility too. But again, the wrong way of granting responsibility to such persons has led to many heartaches in the church.

What is the wrong way to grant responsibility to children at home, or to people at church or at work, or elsewhere?

The wrong way is to grant responsibility without first being sure the person is capable and willing to do the task he or she is assigned. If a person is willing but incapable, he as well as you will be frustrated at his failure. That is why elders and deacons, according to Paul's letters to Timothy and Titus, are to be qualified before responsibility is laid upon them. On the other hand, if they are able but unwilling, everyone will be disappointed. In I Peter 5:2, Peter explicitly mentions that an elder must be willing; he must not undertake the office out of obligation. So, two facts are prominent in assigning responsibility to another: capability and willingness.

We may readily see this in the case of elders or deacons, but do we so readily see it in other situations? What about our children'' Do we set them on a task with full responsibility to achieve it without first assuring ourselves of their capability to do so? Then, when they fail, do we blame them unmercifully? Many parents do. A child must be given the prerequisite instruction and/or training before he is given the responsibility for fulfilling a task on his own. On the other hand, there are times when children have the capability to assume new responsibilities and they are afraid to do so. They lack the desire. In such instances, unless it is a matter of sheer laziness or open rebellion, neither of which is what I have in mind, then they need to be encouraged and challenged. They may need a good bit of prodding. Often if children are allowed to refuse a responsibility that is good for them out of fear, they may never try again, and may miss some of the finest things in life. Parents must learn when to push, while at the same time helping the child to be willing.

When one who is ready and able has been given responsibility to perform a task, he must also be given authority to do it. One who is held accountable should be allowed to do what he has to do without undue supervision and meddling. Too often an employer, preacher, parent, or other will hover over the one to whom responsibility has been given, making little suggestions, etc. This should not be done. Often, because the one who granted the responsibility has doubts about the willingness or capability of the person to whom he gave it, he thinks he must hang around to make sure it will be done rightly. That shows he should not have granted the responsibility in the first place. Responsibility should be granted to another only when you are sure about his ability and readiness. If you granted it too soon, that is your fault. If you failed to assure yourself beforehand, that too is your fault.

So, since most of us at one time or another will be in a position to turn some responsibility over to another, it is important to keep these guidelines in mind. Otherwise, you may find that what should be a freeing and satisfying experience for both of you instead becomes a source of trouble and estrangement.